I guess that this is it – Goodbye. You have already told me that you don’t wish to hear from me, at least not directly, so lets try cyberspace…. there are some things that I would like to say & this seems to be my only option.
First of all I would like to say thanks to both you & mum for bringing me into the world. I know that there were challenges with all of my allergies and many health problems that I had through the years. When it wasn’t that, I was forever injuring myself, something which I never really seemed to grow out of, funnily enough. 🙂 The challenges that I faced as a youngster helped me face much bigger ones later on in life though.
When I first left home it was a means of self preservation. Dad, I had to leave. As much as I love you, you are very destructive. They say like father like son, but I was determined not to let father like daughter be true. The only solution I could see was to not only leave home, but the religion too, which I did. Dad, we lived a life of hypocrisy – a kind well mannered family in the church, but at home something completely different.
Yes, I could have continued with the charade, but I wouldn’t have been true to myself. To dread going home for fear of what might await, is not a way to live. Mum, Kevin & Gordon, somehow managed, but I couldn’t. At the time, my best means to escape your grasp, was to leave the church as well & so here we are.
Since I have left you haven’t changed your attitude towards me, I’m not sure if your attitude deteriorated or you always felt this way towards me. Perhaps you thought that by treating me the way you have, it would encourage me to come back, with the idea that it would magically stop, it isn’t working – it’s only helped to push me further away. Your words have been nothing but hurtful, all I ever wanted was for you to show me some unconditional love & kindness, but there have always been conditions & there always will be. A little kindness goes a long way, but the hatred & hurt that you have brought into my life will eventually poison ones very being & I can’t continue to let you be a destructive force in my life. I’m not even sure that you realise how destructive you are, but I really hope that you realise it soon, not only for you, but for mum, Kevin & Gordon’s sakes too. I would hate to see it consume you any more than it already has.
I bear you no ill will & wish you all the happiness you can desire, I sincerely do hope that you do find TRUE happiness. I have found mine & that is with Geoff.
They say that as one chapter finishes another starts … I have started my chapter…..